Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what he/she says. The two pick at their dinner salads, staring down at the leafy mound before them. Finally, one of them tries to grease the wheels of conversation. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking. They even think that chatting in emails or on the phone isn’t so bad either but when it comes to actually going out on a date — the very reason they were online dating in the first place — this is where they panic. They worry they’ll get found out (whatever that means) or that they’ll get tongue-tied and have nothing to say.They fear they aren’t interesting and will bore their date, hence make a fool of themselves. But let me tell you something: it’s just thoughts, and your thoughts aren’t facts.One thing you really don’t have is the luxury of time. The trick is to select from among these the questions that are closest to your heart and whose answers are important to you.If you are tongue-tied, you are out of the picture. You must go about the dating event with a positive attitude. Also remember never to be tongue-tied and paralyzed if you can't remember the important questions; there are so many inane things to discuss and enjoy!
People, on the whole, love talking about themselves. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast. #1: Do We Care about Each Other as Good Friends Do?When you’re getting serious about someone, don't ask: “Are we in love? This is torture.” She thinks, “Why doesn’t he ask me any questions? But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part.